- In these novels, the interjection "fnord" is given hypnotic power over the unenlightened. Under the Illuminati program, children in grade school are taught to be unable to consciously see the word "fnord". For the rest of their lives, every appearance of the word subconsciously generates a feeling of uneasiness and confusion, and prevents rational consideration of the subject. This results in a perpetual low-grade state of fear in the populace. The government acts on the premise that a fearful populace keeps them in power.
Lately, I feel as if the fnords must be strong and well-used. Because even a glance at the news (which is constantly on the TV, muted, where I work) brings me into a state of upset and agitation. This sucks, because if you know me, you know I thrive on reading about certain kinds of current events, especially those having to do with religion and cults, equal rights, and "News of the Weird" type things. But, I also like to be generally conversant in what the hell is going on in the world, even though I will be the first to admit there's a lot of shit, especially about politics and economics, that I don't understand. It is the duty of a denizen of this planet to participate by not choosing to be ignorant of the hard truths of the world. To choose to be ignorant, to choose to turn away from any news, no matter how bleak, is a crime of the soul -- one in which you are basically saying to the world, "My peace of mind is more important than this terrible thing which is occurring to other living beings".
Unfortunately, it has come to the point where this is literally damaging me. It leads me to abysmal moods and dark melancholy, wherein I brood and stew over the world's dilemmas, the nature of man's inhumanity to man, and the ultimate unworthiness for 99% of us to exist.
My former therapist recommended I just stop watching the news. That's...not so easy in this day and age. You can't read facebook or livejournal without being bombarded by links filled with horrors and crimes and hate and corruption. Well, then, perhaps I should stay away from social media, and reddit, and never watch television. But, how can I do that? To sever these things is to sever one's connection to friends and family, these days. I might become less existentially depressed, but then I'd have no friends, and loneliness would put me right back into that inky abyss.
(As an aside, I can't see this therapist anymore. Because she did some things I consider immoral. But, that's a different entry. Nonetheless, her actions just again re-confirm my beliefs that most people are not worth the amazing gift of existence.)
Steven and I got into an argument about my media consumption habits, even. "Stop reading sad things! That's why you're always sad. You already know people are nasty, ignorant, hateful, bigots, so why do you keep going back to confirm this?" I tried to explain, but it didn't come across as even vaguely coherent, because as eloquent as I might attempt to be on the internet, in RL, I am hard-pressed to string together simple sentences half the time. "Well, at the very least, quit sending these links to me. I already know how idiotic everyone is. And I don't need to be reminded constantly."
So, I don't know what to do about this whole "News Ennui". Surely it's a First World Problem, and not something someone living in Afghanistan would even deign to consider as a "problem". But, the stress is strong. My doctor prescribed klonopin after several panic attacks and breakdowns. Is that really the answer? Shouldn't the answer be that this SHOULD make us upset and stressed out? Because the shit that's happening is fucking terrifying! But, how can I continue my day to day life feeling like the next chunk of data might have me bursting into tears?
The only thing you can do is to turn away. To say, "That shit's not my problem. I don't want to know." That one phrase, "I don't want to know", is the one which leads to ignorance. And how can anyone who embraces ignorance claim to be seeking an enlightened nature for themselves?
It's a damn puzzle. A real damn puzzle. And I just don't know. But, every day the fnords get stronger. And every day, my walls get sanded just a little thinner.
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Comments
I'd also argue that there's a difference between not wanting to know and not wanting to be inundated with negativity and information overload. I get most of my political news from Daily Kos, but while keeping an eye on what's actually happening, I have taken a break recently from indepth coverage of the entire deficit matter simply because it's so depressing. Skimming headlines rather than clicking on links. I know what's going on, but, temporarily, I don't feel the need to _immerse_ myself in what's going on.
...and I've rambled long enough. But seriously: baby zoo animals. Good stuff.
Baby Zoo Animals are especially palliative because each one is a symbol of something Done Right. Each birth improves the world and helps, if only infintessimally, back humanity away from one of the many brinks we've found ourselves at.
...and, of course, the vast majority of them are cute as buttons too.
I, too, am horrified and disgusted almost daily by the intolerable cruelty of humankind to those weaker than themselves, be they human or other species. I've said more than once in the last few years, "The world really can't end soon enough."
Then amidst all the oppressive horrors mankind visits upon our world and its inhabitants, I will see something that warms my heart for a moment. A spark of goodness or kindness or joy will for a moment strike a match in the darkness and somehow keep my heart from losing another chunk of itself.
I wish I had answers or even that I could give you a hug and tell you that there's enough goodness in the world to make it worthwhile. I do believe there is. There is also an incredible amount of evil and perhaps arguably worse, indifference.
It's as trite as it possibly could be, but what I can do is to try to light a match in my little corner of the darkness when I can. It doesn't change the world, but it may just possibly keep one person from losing the last bit of heart and hope s/he had left.
As a recovering addict, I was told that denial served a healthy purpose in life when the balance wasn't tipped too far in favor of it. It protects us from that which is too much to bear. When it goes unchecked, it can become so strong that it damages our ability to see reality, which is what generally happens with addicts. Somewhere there is a happy medium.
I hope your walls re-strengthen and thicken a bit and that your heart remains soft and caring within their safety. We have never met, but I love you. Be kind to others and to yourself. Be what light you can in the darkness and know that it matters.
Steven said to me, "You do not owe the world your attention at the cost of your sanity." I do think he's probably right, but the rules are all whacky when it's the world that's insane to begin with.
*shake head* I just don't know.
I keep telling myself that, despite how much I hate willful ignorance, for the sake of happiness, I'm going to ignore the news.
Then I don't.
I've thought about this subject long and hard, and I have no solutions yet, only current hypotheses, and methods on my "next to attempt" list.
Fixing things is tricky because nobody ever wants to be the first one to buck the trend. Money and jobs depend on it. In the I.T. industry, the mantra was "Nobody ever got fired for choosing IBM". In the cynical entertainment industry it has been warped into "Nobody ever got fired for underestimating the American public"
The business practice of "This makes us the most money, it is the only thing worthy of our attention" is a bad idea and is not sustainable. It has led to our "bad news 24/7 journalism" and reality shows.
It'd be like a store that only sold bacon, meat, cheese, liquor and porn. Sure, it'd do well, people would stop in, they'd sell lots of souvenirs, but in the long run, no matter how much the anti-healthy eating people protest and say otherwise, they want something else.
The only realistic solution I can even think of right now is to use the nervous energy that the news creates into creating something else. Turn that passive consumption into a kinetic outpouring. If I had to make a cheesy greeting card saying out of it, it would be " If the world is too dark, make another lightbulb. "
I blame the internet, largely. Years ago, before radio and TV, we had no way of really knowing the terrible things being done to and by people who didn't live in our immediate vicinity.
I like your saying about the lightbulb. I will have to keep it in the short file of wise things I've heard recently.
Empathizing with all the people who are suffering in the news is simply too much for the brain, it must either become inured or overwhelmed.
A little ignorance, like many things, can be a good thing.
"Everything in moderation, including moderation."
If you seek a truly enlightened nature, you must divest yourself of your attachment to your outrage and/or sadness. It neither should nor should not make you outraged. It is. You are. that's it.
(this commentator is NOT a licensed or practicing anything, heed at your own risk)
But, you may have a good idea. Meditation might be the exact salve for this particular ailment. Meditation followed by positive actions in the world in an attempt to change only what I can. Hmmm, a good idea indeed.
You know the story of the star thrower, something like this:
"There was a man who was walking along a sandy beach where thousands of starfish had been washed up on the shore after a storm. He noticed a boy picking the starfish one by one and throwing them back into the ocean. The man observed the boy for a few minutes and then asked what he was doing. The boy replied that he was returning the starfish to the sea, otherwise they would die. The man asked how saving a few, when so many were doomed, would make any difference whatsoever? The boy picked up a starfish and threw it back into the ocean and said "Made a difference to that one..."
Find some place to volunteer, some person you can help, even just one or a few and sometimes saving that one starfish can help you find the goodness that also exists in this crazy world.
That's a great story, btw.
Just by caring to know a piece of data...say, a brief outline of the politics and atrocities in Afghanistan over the past 50 years, I have already changed something - myself. No, I can't change the past for them, but by understanding more fully what led to certain events, I have already changed the way I would react to an Afghani person. It requires me to care because caring changes -me-. Anyway, the fact that I can not change it does not alleviate the sorrow that I will feel upon learning it.
Perhaps these tactics work for others -- and I am glad for them. There are also people who are consoled by the idea of god. I wish I could take refuge in any of these things...even religion. But I can't. Because it is not true for me, and therefore...useless as a salve.
I also recall that I was a LOT less stressed out when I didn't own a television. Not that I watch it much now, but not having it showed me how even a single source of input can contribute to the level of stress in your life.
I agree that one should change what is within one's reach. I never said or implied otherwise. In fact, I wholeheartedly believe that one of the few things, if not the SOLE thing we can change in this world is ourselves. But, what we can change is different from what we can know and understand. I can't agree that ignoring the details or sorrows of the larger picture will help most any situation.
Let me put it this way: If a neighbor you didn't even know died, and you saw them being wheeled out in a body bag -- there is nothing that you can do about this. It's done. You didn't kill them. You are without blame in this situation.
But the person who goes over and finds out that she committed suicide, who finds out the intimate details and little sorrows of her life, and allow themselves to be moved by this wasted life. They're the ones that are going to be some small percentage more alert for signs of impending suicide in others.
To turn it all out is to destroy your soul and become focused on nothing but yourself, sure. To let it all in makes you focused on everything but yourself, and your soul suffers just as much. You recognize your own need to protect yourself from the overwhelmingness of things at times - but you call it a weakness, something to be fought against. I disagree. I consider it a necessary limitation we have. A boundary, perhaps - one we stretch from time to time, to help us grow, but cannot disregard completely, lest we collapse.
Side note: Your example...sadly accurate. Earlier this year, a neighbor I didn't even know died. The ambulance was in front of the house as we came home. I took the kids inside so Christina could go ask those outside what had happened...and the man of the house had succumbed to depression and committed suicide.
Is this ruining my sanity? Probably. Would it be safer and more comfortable for me to stop reading these horrible things? Hell yes. Do I feel like a traitor to my own ethics when I do so? Without a doubt.
Because the world is insane. And wrong. And fucked right the hell up. And we've all installed coping mechanisms and say they're healthy, they protect us. But blinders are blinders, as far as I can tell. Today they protect the horse from seeing the snake that will cause it to freak out and crash the carriage, but tomorrow they keep the horse from seeing the oncoming Model-T it could have avoided.
Just think of all the horrific things that are going on around you all the time. Just think of all the animal stillbirths. The roadkill. The many animals who get eaten alive. Who suffer from disease. Who get injured. Who get abandoned. Who get burnt, electrocuted, poisoned. All this horror and suffering, going on all the time.
And yet how does it affect you?
Where do any feelings and thoughts on this come from? Where does the meaning come from?
Perhaps you should indeed learn some meditation or even something like Buddhism, so you can learn more aboot yourself, how you work and such? -:) It'll take time and effort